Lost parents of settled children


The old oriental culture of  Asia follows the principle of extended family system where three generations are attached together in some manner.Here young ones have  to work side by side on two  major tasks , one is to raise their family and other one is  to take care of parents at their old ages.

Today the  modern ages and its requirement has  gradually  replaced joint family system by independent living due to many reasons, same attitude of discarding the parents at old age is rapidly   seeing in distorted eastern culture on the needs of  a couple and their children .

Having a baby is one of  joyful moments in life of any couple no matter which class they belong.They forget their differences,  shortages in their lives  and search for happiness in the smiles of their new born.As the child  growing up this sense of enjoyment  tends to some kind of serious responsibility  in job list of new parents .The thoughts of his/her  eduction, career, his health ,daily activity’s  all are the major areas of concern for any normal parents .During this process of development of children, parents usually  set aside their needs,and focus only demand and timely services for their children.They work hard, cross all legal or illegal formalities, manage personal discomforts, pending personal interests to make bridge between present  and future  demand of their kids.

In this race of managing new life often old parents are  ignored or left at the mercy of time because children give importance to their own families  .Some times their spouses  due to careless or tricky  attitudes never give any kind of moral allowances to take care of their old parent. As a result, some sons start  neglecting their responsibilities whereas daughters either can’t perform their duty due to non cooperation of their  husband or in-laws .It is also seen that sometimes  daughters of east  are taking up the responsibility of caring for two couples of parents: parents of their own and of their husbands.
The modern industrial and materialistic economy might be responsible for the breaking-up of the old tradition of looking after the old parents, as it provides a disparity in earnings among the family members. The more fortunate and hard-working family members surely earn a number of times more than the less fortunate easy-going family members. Indeed the hard-working family members don’t  like to share his  earning  with the lazy siblings
In this case, the family splits on the issue of sharing responsibilities like taking care of parents when they are old and sick.All this ultimately make life miserable for old parents who spent all their resources and energy on their children but when the time to repay come most of them deny their utmost responsibility as equal as one consider for his/her kids.

It is old saying that new generation is always indebted to the old generation. We need to pay the debt to our parents taking care of them at their old age and then performing religious and social rituals after their death . Thus, our tradition Pakistani culture has made sons accountable to their parents at their old ages.It is virtually considered as reversible practice which will be revised  by next generation as would be  practiced in present.

However, the traditional family culture in urban life  has been gradually changing to the worst for the senior people. Sons have been no more a social security for the senior citizens as used to be. If they have more than one son it becomes disastrous to the old parents as every son thinks that the responsibility of taking care of parents is of another.

Our trsad-woman-K133-31-147traditional  extended family system itself generate a lot of provision for taking care of parent by many blood relations at a time so that this important responsibility is shared by many people tied with some kind of bonding,.Here intrusion of narrow-minded relations in the form of daughter or son in-law can bring jerks to old state of parents but siblings’ strong faith and stand on parents care duty can modify the conservative thoughts of other relations .

Some sons take care of old parents only to inherit their property. Wise parents usually keep their own portion of the family property for their old age. Such family property remains in the form of a hereditary family house or an ancestral land they inherited. Some sons keep their parents with them only to make sure that they leave behind the property for them to enjoy.

Daughters have begun shouldering the responsibility of looking after their parents. Daughters could not be indifferent to the plight of their old parents when sons are reluctant to take care of their parents. So, they extend their supporting hands to their parents. If the current trend of sons neglecting their responsibility of taking care of old parents continues soon daughters will be the only dependable offspring for old parents to rely on.

Taking care of old parents has become more a burden than a social obligation to sons. In many cases, old parents need to live with different sons in rotation; some sons fetch daily meals in a hot case at their home rather than living together with them. These are the best-case scenarios. The worst-case scenarios are none of the sons look after their old parents. Daughters-in-law denies old parents the contact with grandchildren for fearing of exposing their secrets to grandparents.

The so-called modern nucleus family does not  consider  the benefits of living together with old parents. A nucleus family becomes viable when both spouses work for earnings. . If they have parents at home they do not have to worry about baby-sitting and their next generation is more secure under love and care of  grandparent So, having parents together with a family might be a bonus than a burden some of us might think today.

For families who have made some advance preparations, elder care should not be a crushing burden. It may be a disruptive surprise, but professionals in the field have observed that most children  struggling with young children and midlife crises — assume their responsibilities willingly and without resentment. The caregivers who suffer most are those who try to do too much alone.

We should realize we will do ourselves and our parents a greater service by seeking help. When our turn come .be conscientious that sooner we would be in same position due to natural biological cycle. Remember, our own children will be watching. And someday we may be on the receiving end of elder care as history takes no time to reverse its wheel .

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About Nazia
I am in search of facts and truth.

2 Responses to Lost parents of settled children

  1. Saleem says:

    There are many factors those are spoiling our old and rich tradition….But the main factor is MONEY. As a nation we are loosing values and basic ethics so off-course these changes will effect overall.

    I agree that Daughters takes more care than Sons. This is my very keen observation so I agree 100% with it. On the other hand, Parents gives their inheritance to Sons and don’t bother to give a single inch of their earned assets to daughters.

    Kindly cover that black side of picture too…that Daughters dies for parents but parents (specially Father) puts their Daughter in Hell kind of family to get rid of her….many pains in our society.

    One more thing that I’m observing these years is that majority of males of our society lost are totally depending on Wife to earn in day and serve him whole night… and if you question these males that why you are not earning or doing proper job..He will put millions of excuses in front of you.

    So in such scenario, how can we expect good from new generation. Parents will get effect because new generation also grown up without seeing their parents to serve grand parents.

    Sorry, I often starts writing out of context but I know that things are so interlinked (same like social networking) that if we spoil one thing…it effects every where. This is what we are facing now in Pakistan….It’s all mess done by majority of us and state authorities encouraged this majority to carry on.

    • Nazia says:

      Yes money does matters in such expenditures which comes in our duties but I have seen every rich and reasonable families who brutally discard their parents. So first thing is restoration of human values in any culture.
      Here I used term of “settled children” who abandoned or highly ignore their parents due to many reasons and not because of their finances.
      Sometimes they have seen this since their childhood and history is repeating for their parents.
      sometime crookedness and selfish attitude of spouses play major role of denying such duties.Many times it is seen that obedient and dutiful son or daughter shows worst kind of response towards same parents whom he or she was once deeply attached.In such matters the rate of sons are quite higher than daughters and in this case blame are highly shared with daughter in law and her family who successfully brain washed an attached child against his loving parents .These are very common scene of our society.
      The parents who disown presence of daughters get more setback in older ages as hatred seed are planted in hearts of their children since their childhood , first as siblings than as mandatory part of narrow mindedness which have been printed in their minds of their daughters and sons too due to indifferent attitude of parents.
      Daughters do cheat or betray their parents but rate is low and this attitude is seen in all over world where we can see that in developed nation mostly go for girl child in adoption choice.
      Women who provide earnings in morning and arrange bedding in nights of their idle partner posses serious kind of weakness in their personalty might be due to their upbringing in suppressed culture,otherwise for financially secured women there is no justification of passing such degraded life.

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