Lost parents of settled children
July 24, 2011 2 Comments
The old oriental culture of Asia follows the principle of extended family system where three generations are attached together in some manner.Here young ones have to work side by side on two major tasks , one is to raise their family and other one is to take care of parents at their old ages.
Today the modern ages and its requirement has gradually replaced joint family system by independent living due to many reasons, same attitude of discarding the parents at old age is rapidly seeing in distorted eastern culture on the needs of a couple and their children .
Having a baby is one of joyful moments in life of any couple no matter which class they belong.They forget their differences, shortages in their lives and search for happiness in the smiles of their new born.As the child growing up this sense of enjoyment tends to some kind of serious responsibility in job list of new parents .The thoughts of his/her eduction, career, his health ,daily activity’s all are the major areas of concern for any normal parents .During this process of development of children, parents usually set aside their needs,and focus only demand and timely services for their children.They work hard, cross all legal or illegal formalities, manage personal discomforts, pending personal interests to make bridge between present and future demand of their kids.
It is old saying that new generation is always indebted to the old generation. We need to pay the debt to our parents taking care of them at their old age and then performing religious and social rituals after their death . Thus, our tradition Pakistani culture has made sons accountable to their parents at their old ages.It is virtually considered as reversible practice which will be revised by next generation as would be practiced in present.
However, the traditional family culture in urban life has been gradually changing to the worst for the senior people. Sons have been no more a social security for the senior citizens as used to be. If they have more than one son it becomes disastrous to the old parents as every son thinks that the responsibility of taking care of parents is of another.
Our trtraditional extended family system itself generate a lot of provision for taking care of parent by many blood relations at a time so that this important responsibility is shared by many people tied with some kind of bonding,.Here intrusion of narrow-minded relations in the form of daughter or son in-law can bring jerks to old state of parents but siblings’ strong faith and stand on parents care duty can modify the conservative thoughts of other relations .
Some sons take care of old parents only to inherit their property. Wise parents usually keep their own portion of the family property for their old age. Such family property remains in the form of a hereditary family house or an ancestral land they inherited. Some sons keep their parents with them only to make sure that they leave behind the property for them to enjoy.
Daughters have begun shouldering the responsibility of looking after their parents. Daughters could not be indifferent to the plight of their old parents when sons are reluctant to take care of their parents. So, they extend their supporting hands to their parents. If the current trend of sons neglecting their responsibility of taking care of old parents continues soon daughters will be the only dependable offspring for old parents to rely on.
Taking care of old parents has become more a burden than a social obligation to sons. In many cases, old parents need to live with different sons in rotation; some sons fetch daily meals in a hot case at their home rather than living together with them. These are the best-case scenarios. The worst-case scenarios are none of the sons look after their old parents. Daughters-in-law denies old parents the contact with grandchildren for fearing of exposing their secrets to grandparents.
The so-called modern nucleus family does not consider the benefits of living together with old parents. A nucleus family becomes viable when both spouses work for earnings. . If they have parents at home they do not have to worry about baby-sitting and their next generation is more secure under love and care of grandparent So, having parents together with a family might be a bonus than a burden some of us might think today.
For families who have made some advance preparations, elder care should not be a crushing burden. It may be a disruptive surprise, but professionals in the field have observed that most children struggling with young children and midlife crises — assume their responsibilities willingly and without resentment. The caregivers who suffer most are those who try to do too much alone.
We should realize we will do ourselves and our parents a greater service by seeking help. When our turn come .be conscientious that sooner we would be in same position due to natural biological cycle. Remember, our own children will be watching. And someday we may be on the receiving end of elder care as history takes no time to reverse its wheel .