Relationship and forgiveness


Forgiveness is an important vital social skill  .In many culture  social norms  this human quality  if  possess by majority can be  reason of  happiness and success in life. Due to versatility in human nature, we are  all time vulnerable to  holding on to resentment,  develop long  grudges  after  any kind of dealing , facing problems  that should be dealt with and over.

Simple rule of maintaining  long-term relationship or to have successful friendships, both parties should be reasonable with one another and make every effort to meet halfway.Comprises, ignoring weakness of relations, covering genuine shortcomings of friend/ relative regarding their social status, physical  retardation or any natural  deficiency all comes in the context of forgiveness to enhance the quality of human relations in better way.

photo

Forgiving is considered as mature thought so hardly found in young people but those social  or family circles that   have less gap between  elders and younger generation ,  can smoothly transfer this mature habit to young minds  which would  surely help them to grow in  docile and friendly atmosphere of giving goodness and forgiving   others.

It is not necessary that if  forgiving is  priority of one individual  than  most people will be forgiving others with the same intensity  in return.Sometimes result  can be opposite of one’s responses  and no proper justification is found  for such human insensitivity. As difficult as it may seem, it is better for  mental, physical, and emotional health to talk about  thoughts and feelings covering negative and positive human emotions. It could be a serious matter or it might be a simple misunderstanding, but both parties should know where the other stands.

There are a lot of decent human gestures that can be  practiced while handling aggressive, ill-mannered and abusive nature person found in our circle of social acquaintance.

  • Silent treatment.
  • Ignoring the presence of cruel people in our near surrounding.
  • Negotiations where one feel that it can play an effective role.
  • Avoid relations who can’t get rid of their torturous and greed nature to create disturbance for people.
  • Looking for elderly guidance and  snubbing.
  • Boycotting of  crisis creating person for some period .

: Mother and Child Relationship - Paintings

Parents are best guide for any child  in  developing this habit to young minds and it is seen that couples who harshly treat their servants and less privileged blood relations, there are high chances that rudeness and arrogance become part of young minds which would commonly  show its practical demonstration first to their parents too.

Nobody is perfect but building of strong relations with community, family and  social circles are unmatched and extremely worth human quality .It can’t be substituted with any kind of wealth or status quo complexes that generate hollow living crystal style  which when broken divided into thousands pieces .So rigid and shrewd  behaviors  badly damage  the  smooth growth of  human confidence and  feelings which can reshape into many distorted forms if not handled with care and mature thoughts.

There are another risk that situation might be different if the offending party sees no need to seek forgiveness, but at the same time harboring resentment indefinitely will  create stir in  inner peace of any individual and groups. If the offender does not apologize for the wrong committed, the decision of ceasing the relationship and friendship can be applied, depending on the severity of the offense. Attitude of humbleness attributes a lot of  producing  friction less environment in any culture.

It is also very interesting feature of human relation that we always tend to hurt or  shaken by  someone who is closest to us.

Parents are usually neglected by their dear children,.Wives are cheated by their one and only husband at that time when  they have lost all energy on building his life and carrier and same  can be vice versa.Sisters are dodged by brothers on the matters of inheritance,Close friend can be reason of emotional setback or employer is fooled by most trusted employee  who once raises the status of his worker on the basis of his/her performance and  honesty.In all above mentioned relations forgiveness is best tool to mend or build the durable and long-lasting human relations.


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About Nazia
I am in search of facts and truth.

30 Responses to Relationship and forgiveness

  1. بلوچ says:

    A nice post again , for such posts, if you do not show up for couple of days we really miss you.

    • Nazia says:

      Managing relationships are very boring field for our men community.I don’t know what looked you nice in this topic.Any how thanks for encouraging a weak blogger.

      • بلوچ says:

        Its not boring field for men but our male dominated society just do not want to recognize any social role rather it wants to keep the forced relations . But women today , is not willing to perform the ancient role of god gifted slaves , so there is change in mindsets , things are very change now.

      • Nazia says:

        Women who are giving up traditional role(not ancient role) of eastern beauty is even not fit in western culture.Demand of Independence and freedom to traditional role is creating serious social problems in young ladies who are now more prone to loneliness or under threat by friendly aliens after passing their colorful youth time. So man in one side has to lower his social ego for playing some part in social binding and women has to raise her god gifted qualities of arranging family relations in order not by considering herself as god gifted slaves but as super human beings who has full capacity of managing many relations at a time.

      • بلوچ says:

        Yeah there are some necessary steps to be taken by both the partners , they have to understand the importance of every relation . Respect for each other and for every relation of each other is one of most important deals.

      • Nazia says:

        There are wrong definitions of modernization and being educated have been explained to young minds in their modern developed educational institutes or we can put blame to parents training too.Making old homes, working woman hostels,considering ourselves superior class or setting psychiatry clinics for middle age people are signs of sick generation,There is no limit of technology development but it should be synchronized with human passions and relations as ultimately human looks for good company /relation/friendship of living beings after getting all kind of success and wealth in a life.

      • بلوچ says:

        Well it is just because of inferiority complex of a certain class , they are blindly following the west , without giving any slight consideration to their actual needs.
        psychiatric clinics are a good addition but working women hostels are ruining the relations . I have closely observed the female hostels in Pindi and Islamabad , these were not worth living for females of any class and any age. A needy person may live in any condition . but if there are any females living without acute necessities , that is the fault of parents . You know In I-9 Islamabad a book makers office was once raided by police and some 120 persons were caught red handed when they were busy in betting , the worst of the case was , this immoral book was established on upper floor of a ladies hostel , so how could be the internal environment of hostel one can easily imagine
        There are many of the unbelievable stories around but this was what I personally witnessed ..

  2. ahmed says:

    Some relationship need tolerance and patience and here forgiveness doesn’t matter so we have to improve our bearing capacity.

    • Nazia says:

      Forgiveness is somehow linked with tolerance level as by forgiving others for their mistakes or sinful attitude we have to expand our patience level more than our thoughts and usual capacity.

  3. Nazia says:

    The certain class cant get rid of their inferiority complex after getting all kinds of facilities and luxuries through wrong means.Wrong leadership and corrupt management has given rise to such class who are earning through shortcuts without setting any code of ethics and hard working so nation where people make their carrier through shortcuts loose one thing immediately and it is their moral values which directly influences the human relationship .Rich person start hating their backward parents and relatives and this cleavage process takes it pace on the basis of favorite and getting wrong favors through all hook and crook means by ignoring warmth and blessing or real relations..

  4. بلوچ says:

    Yeah this easy money and short cut ways are big problems of this society . People really forget the fact that short cut is really very short and after that they have to face the fate .

    • Nazia says:

      Short cuts in life gives you short lived happiness and sooner cuts in health, money and relation become obvious in life of greedy people who swap the human relations on materialistic desires.

  5. Penny says:

    Very nice post. I totally agree, if we cannot find forgiveness in our heart, no relationship will be able to grown on a firm foundation.

    • Nazia says:

      Yes penny but forgiveness shouldn’t be limited to heart area only but one should practically demonstrate this human trait to nearest relations off and on .One thing is important that how other party takes this act of forgiveness.If he/she would take as grant or as his/her right or consider others it weakness of then one should go for some kind of conditional forgiveness for grooming the temperament of other person.

      • Penny says:

        I totally agree. Forgiveness comes in different shadows. There are times we can forgive and move forward, but its hard to erase. Speaking from my own experience, when I have forgiven-it has helped to be able to move forward. Harboring unforgiveness elaborates on getting stuck in the time-building hardness of the heart. Its far better to be able to let it go, to give the heart room to breathe a a sense of fresh awareness to life’s crossroads.

  6. Nazia says:

    Forgiveness has different dimensions seriously depending on the response of other party and relations.
    Parent has no choice except to forgive their spoiled children.
    Spouses have to comprise up-to some extent to maintain the sanctity of family life for their kids.
    Lovers friends have to practice their thinking skills to understand the effectiveness of good spirit of forgiveness upon their friend.
    Unforgiven habit surely provide limited options of enhancing quality of relations for present and next generations where forgiven attitude gives wide aspect of strong binding force between human relations that helps in making good environment of crime free society.
    Forgiving decision shouldn’t be taken by heart or in emotional sense but should be wisely cast after judging the caliber/actions/ behavior of front man/woman.

  7. Penny says:

    Forgivenss does come in many forms. I can speak from my own experiences on this subject. I was full of bitterness toward someone in my life, for his abusivness and distructive ways. It was not till I could find forgiveness, did these feelings of bitterness began to fade away in my mind as well as my heart. We are no longer together, but I can face him now with having no bitterness in my heart.

    Holding on to bittrness, builds a wall within our heart and soul, causing us not to have the mindset for moving on with life, and blocking our heart to successfully enter any new relationship for building a bond and trust.

    • She says:

      you have big heart all don’t have it.Relation building process teaches us the value of sharing and give meaning to ordinary experiences. Considered as one of the purest relationships it can help us feel comfortable in every walk of life, as the number of things we cannot discuss with our friends are either marginal or nil.But building every relationship needs to be nurtured for making it stronger. It demands patience and time. You need to be a good listener, loyal and sincere and show your affection whenever the moment comes.Good luck

      • Penny says:

        It’s not so much as a big heart. I find that living with a bitter heart, allows walls to build up around me, suffocating and smothing out chances for me to be able to let go and move forward. I find its better to forgive and let it go !!

      • Nazia says:

        It is not matter of bitter heart for all as you say or in your case but it is presentation of cold response after tolerating too much harsh or senseless attitude of other who is clear in his thoughts that normal relation cant be rebuild as others want,
        I always say that confessions or changing mood for others are not some kind of concession as some people take it as their right or can take it as granted.
        Bitter attitude for some people doesn’t make walls but make holes on heart of victims and it act like sieve , what ever you put on it , it passes through it.Careful persons always ready to face the same attitude any time any where from that person who has such out of control behavior.So in that case no suffocation like state comes and people live lively when all pass through pinched heart, without creating any burden of sensitivity.

  8. Nazia says:

    Penny
    living with abusive and ill tempered person is some kind of torture and if that tough person don’t change his/her temperament it surely starts affecting the life of partners and other close living people .So if damages caused by his/her nature is irreversible than he shouldn’t be pardoned but in case of reversible loss and his confession an pave way of forgiveness.I have a good friendly social circle throughout my life and for some people it is very difficult to manage such a large social circle like mine in which all kind of people having different ages, gender, class and sects have come .
    But I have no shame to confess that sometimes I cant adopt this fine human quality for compulsive sinners liars and cheaters.They have no respect of their elders and good and financially weak relation.They change their attitude after seeing the ups and downs of life and follow the law of matirlistc ways of living.
    I cant forgive the arrogant behavior of any person in my circle who treat people under criteria different social levels as per their selfish means. and interests.
    so SHE is right all are not like you who carry such heart enlarge symptoms after hurt by close ones.

  9. Ahmed says:

    Good relations never come in state of conflicts and confusion so no margin of forgiveness is left in good relations.

    • Nazia says:

      Sometimes bad people and negative thoughts come in between relation building process of two good people One should know to handle these devil like creatures and protect his/her good relations.

  10. saim says:

    Forgiveness have to done with pride and more with individual guilt.It is not planned activity but one has to prepare oneself for all this.

  11. Penny says:

    I don’t understand a lot of what is being said, I guess its our culture differences, as this does play a huge part in our understanding, and being on the same page as they say with our thoughts, as well as our differences in viewing topics of life.

    I know forgiveness comes with different circumstances, many could be listed here. I can never say, I am without sins-but I do know that God forgave me for my sins. My acts may have broken His heart-the same as others who have hurt me-have broken His heart, but He is a forgiving God-why can’t we forgive-just as He forgives?

    I have never been with a devil-as a partner-there were bad times-but there was no torture-so I cannot speak for those who have actually been tortured. I am sure for those who have suffered under the hand of their torturer- their pain-is deeper-and to forgive them for this act-would be a much harder task to perform-if not impossible.

    I am only saying, I have found life to be more bareable, when in a relationship where there was love, and both do still love each other-and there has only been happy years before the bad times started-by reaching forgiveness from the heart-there is chances to work things out-and continue a respectful-loving-relationship. If you do not feel in your heart-your not going to feel it in your mind. Some women/or men do put more thought into material things in life

    I have never based my relationships on material things in life-nor will I ever-there are many who do not believe material things in life are more important in life-then having that life with somone-you love and there is mutual respect-this is a far more happier relationship then those who are more interested in riches -and what these riches can buy.

    I am a firm believer-that “money “does not buy happiness nor love. I do not believe “ALL” women of any paticular parts of the world want to live this way. There are always a few in every walk of life-every part of the world that differ in their chosen lifestyles.

  12. Nazia says:

    The discussion reveals that people have different criteria and level of forgiveness depending upon nature of relation and intensity of sin and crime.
    How you estimate that you would do a sin and God will forgive it.?
    It means we all have lot of space to do what we like to have it as our desires and greed.
    No this is not like that we have to pay for our recognized sins and crimes.
    I cant pass life with any kind of devil like partner character or have no bearable patience to tolerate rude, arrogant and abusive like character near to my normal living.My first and last desire of passing life is good and fair temperament persons and I am lucky enough God has granted me such partner and life which is desire of every woman wherever she lives in the world.
    People call me lucky but I call it my stand on fair dealing, good intentions and honest attitude even with wrong people is reason of my state of peace of mind and having good family life.
    Those people who claim that they are tortured or suppressed by their partners actually are weak or have such kind of weakness that make other weak person to dominant them through evil and immoral means.So every bad and weak habit itself produce a reaction of oppression and torture on weak people and here we see the bad colors of life.
    Devil people act like monster as long as we accept their deviltry , the day we start reacting against their ill will behavior, tint of horror start fading but in their forgiveness like high quality human instinct cant fit in their temperament as they take it as their right that other forgives all about their wrong doings as they are some kind of superior class.
    Money is an important reactant of good family leaving as it can solve many life problems which start arising from life of deprivation but surely it should nt be be first and last desire instead of having good friends and partner.
    For me forgiveness act like catalyst which is necessary required to enhance the quality of human bonding for good nature people as crook people only misuse this strong social skill all time seeing crying on their miseries and bad attitude of their close ones.

  13. Penny says:

    Nazia

    I feel very strongly, that we as women-who have values; should stand up for these values, in making our choices; and for speaking on the behalf of our actions or re-actions to happenings in our life. You are lucky to have a good man in your life. It’s like you said-it’s what we as women allow-if we are up front with our partner-what we expect and what we will not tolerate-it sets the stage and the boundaries for our relationship.

  14. Nazia says:

    Yes it is true women are real carriers of values of any society and it is not in range of naturally weak men to set a standard of ethics and moral values of family life.Values and its limitation should be set or controlled by women and those who cant manage it are weak ladies.Society and family moves around strong personalities of woman who keep them in strong binding force therefore you see that after death of mothers and wives, family life of each members badly shatter, although they rearrange themselves but like unsolved puzzle as no body fill the gap of good woman of any society.
    Setting limits in any relation is one of important feature which people ignore again and again .Like in our society a man does lot of corruption to give all unnecessary or luxurious living to his wife and family, same if wife ignores the sinful attitude of husband or mother is reluctant to point blunders of their kids, then it means no limits are being marked so all start deviating their moral and ethical values .
    So sometimes, forgiveness can intensify the negative attitude of love ones.Actually I have witnessed few close to me and see that even at mature ages people don’t realize that they are misusing the great power of forgiveness for more nearest and dearest relation.
    You again say I am lucky !no I think Allah has honored me by giving such a blessed life as I always take stand against rough and rigid people( by trusting HIM) no matter how much they closely relate to me who humiliate their love ones or betray from their national oath.
    People try to buy love and happiness through money and deals and I am surprised to see that they enjoy all relation whom they keep under control by using power of money. So it all depends on human nature that what kind of deals they made in their lives.This trend is very common in business or feudal class in which money and lands are real reasons of attachment of love ones.

  15. Penny says:

    I truly love from the heart ! Money can never buy happiness or love. Money runs out and true love is for a lifetime. Women are treated by what they stand for, this is the biggest lesson in life, a woman can learn from past failures to establish values, principles, for self worth. A man will treat a woman, as a man sees a woman wants to be treated, its up to her to set the boundaries and limits in the relationship. These are lessons I have learned the hard way. But, I can truly say that my life now is better, and my choosings has a lot more classification of what I will put up with, and what I will not tolerate. Women are afraid to speak up-to their man, for fear of them leaving-believe me this woman will always stand her grounds.

  16. Nazia says:

    Everybody loves from the heart !It is out of scope of brain to understand this illogical and directionless desire.
    I have told you attraction of money make people worst and lowest rated kind of lovers but as you say all is gone after some time.
    I am the real example of such female class who always stand on moral grounds and never let anybody no matter how important for me to let him/her cross a certain limit of ignoring my self respect and dignity.
    I studied /worked alone in hundreds of men, and never thought that any one ever dared to cross my defined line even, I am bold, confident and retort any body who ever tries to conflict with me in any issue.
    Same is in my family matters, sharing respect is first requirement of my developing relation with any body either come in the circle of my blood relations or form strangers.
    From my point of view man is very weak specie(that is why he left heaven to please his spouse against God’s instructions:D) and he is all time mean to trespass all rules and regulations for his love, career, hobbies and in any kind of relations.That is why you see in all criminal history mature ages men are top rated criminal of any society other than women or young boys.
    Yes men are like loving beast seriously look the facial gestures or body language of encountering females and then make moves as per demand and standard set by them and even then if he tries to cross the limit than either he is extremely sadist or possess some kind of insane childish nature.
    Such kind of men go to all extent to get their heart desire and when it is achieved, enjoy it for a while and then garbage it and start searching new loving targets to satisfy their natural agitating and hyper nature.
    Same is on other side,all women are not like afraid of speak up but they are addicted of social status and financial stability which they get from accounts settled men.They are afraid of losing the crystal life and formal badge of husband as they cant compromise on less living standards and want to maintain such fake standard of living on the basis of daily humiliation from the same man who was once serious lover.

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